to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
