I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
