Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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