a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
