Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
