I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
