I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
