Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
