I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
