apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
