just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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