elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This is classic penis vs brain.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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