No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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