Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
