omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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