I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
