she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
