My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
