listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
are you so shy because you have an std?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
