By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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