I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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