I got chris browned last night
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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