I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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