We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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