Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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