He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
