Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
smell my finger.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
