U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
