i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
