actually, I'm a sock model
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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