so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
