You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
