i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
