I am puke
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
