Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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