Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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