with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
