somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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