So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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