she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
