how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
