omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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