its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize