We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The adults are the big ones right?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
