omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
