my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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