I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
