OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
