WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
