I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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