just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize