so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
