i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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