Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
