im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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