Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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