Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
