Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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