Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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