your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
