Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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