Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
