i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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