I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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