guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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