Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
