I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
