i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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