Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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