Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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