Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
