I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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