So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
