even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
