she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
