He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We need to rekindle our bromance
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
