Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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