i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize