omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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