I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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