ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
