He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Drake has all the answers
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize