my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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