well I can't set my house on fire every night
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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