you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
