no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
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