before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
