i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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