I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
