rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You smell like stripper and shame
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
