I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
