drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
