I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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