I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
