New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
