I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
