I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Still dying that you shit outside
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